I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
As of this morning, vodka still has the other side of my BFF necklace. She treats me right.
just had to take a 4 hour nap to write a one page paper. its obviously the week after winter break.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
i just stole a 8 pack of olde english 40s and 2 roles of duct tape. we are going to make edward proud tonight.
Is this a drinking picnic?
Is there another kind?
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
I dont think you understand. A NOODLE FELL OUT OF MY VAGINA! I DEMAND TO KNOW WHAT YOU DID TO ME LAST NIGHT!
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I’m 95% positive I adopted a bunny last night.
You had cocktails, didn’t you?
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