Awesome. Ask her out.
Nope. She's got a detail of ed hardy security around her.
I wish that guy wasn't missing teeth
i've never seen someone fall down the steps so gracefully... i think im in love
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
You told me you aren't worried about the police that you've been training for this an that the last three months of your life have been devoted to building up your stun gun tolerance and pepper spray recovery time.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I would steal a car if I knew it had wheat thins in it
is it necessary to steal the whole car?
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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