I want to take you away to a place of dolphin rides and hot stone massages.
I've decided that my new worst fear is that I'll end up on "I Didn't Know I was Pregnant"
Truelife: I made out with my ex-boyfriend's girlfriend this weekend. Thank you Captain Morgan...
Was she wearing cherry chapstick??
No. Life's not always a fairytale.....
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
You said your legs stopped working and then pulled yourself around the floor with your hands.
That explains the wood chips stuck in my nipples.
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Grandma is giving me marriage advice again. On the plus side, she thinks I'm straight now.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
Out of control sex drive for a girl? I just masturbated in the bathroom at my in-laws house before dinner....
He sent a video of him jacking off....class will be awkward tomorrow
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
What's the protocol for doing tequila shots at a baseball game when you're chaperoning for a church group? You know, hypothetically.
Randomize
