You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
she asked if mt Rushmore was natural or man made
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
When she showed me how she could touch her toes without bending her knees, suddenly her face didn't worry me quite as much.
I came home drunk to my night light on and a Hershey's bar on my bed. Mom knows me too well.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
Call 911 I'm faking my own death so this fat chick leaves my room
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
i accidenteley seduced the christian girl's brother so i dont think we can count on free church picnic food again
A cute girl just told me she forgot to take her birth control and winked... I've never been so conflicted about fleeing in terror
Well ill be drunk so just come find me. Its like where in the world is Joey San Diego
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I'm hoping the sedatives kick in before I drunkenly decide to eat this whole cheesecake.
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Randomize
