SEEEEXXX PLEASE
do you think there was ever a doctor who smelled his finger after giving a prostate exam?
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I got a handjob from a sober married woman in a parking lot in the middle of the day, yet you still cant manage to get laid by a drunk single slut at the bar at 1am. Wtf
apparently 20 random guys watched the process of me being carried on a mattress through the dorms
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
Things bear mace does not do: repel bears. Things bear mace does do: piss off bears, give bystanders asthma attacks. Lesson learned
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Well on a lighter note, I had sex in a food truck.
I think the Predator is hunting me in my house. If I don't text you later, send Danny Glover. I love you all.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
WE HAVE WINE WHERE ARE YOU GUYS WE ARE BY THE GIANT EAGLE
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I just want you to know that i deffinately saw the baby clothes, and didn't freak out and still had sex with him. I'm going to hell.
It's been three years since Kelly shit in the to go box that we put in Sam's mailbox after we broke up. Considering Sam and I are friends again, should I finally tell him?
Randomize
