Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
If my body was a temple, I pissed all over the front stairs last night..
You said your dick dragged you up the stairs
I just found your spare underwear and the half eaten granola bar you left in my purse.
i can now proudly say that ive peed off of a balcony overlooking the pacific ocean AND a balcony overlooking the atlantic ocean
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
I can still taste the Jäger. I'm gonna shoot myself.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
His 89 y/o father walked in on us. Judging by the gasp/moan, I don't think the 1920s prepared him to see another dude inside his son.
you are the only girl i know that would bring a plate of cookies to a hook up. but they were awesome. thanks. next time cupcakes?
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
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