Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
as nice as a boyfriend sounds, a relationship would require morals and self-restraint - both fields in which i lack.
momma always taught us never to change for a boy..
i'm sorry, but my penis isnt the solution to your problems
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Drunk at work, covered in Cheetos is no way to go through life.
I found Cheetos.
Things you do not want to hear after sex: I almost lost my gum in your pussy. Really dude, don't share that with me!
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
Randomize
