she takes plan B like it's going out of style
M WATCHING THE HISTORY CHANNEL AND IT SAID THAT WHEN THE LUST PART OF THE BRAIN IS ACTIVATED THE JUDGEMENT PART IS NOT. THIS EXPLAINS SO MUCH.
He literally just walked in some random persons house and walked right to they're pantry. Then five minutes later he walks out with pop-tarts, mac and cheese, and captain morgan. We need to chill with this kid more often.
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
Fat girl left in a hurry. Possibly had to do with the missing bathroom door in my apartment.
What's a nice way of saying "You fell asleep, and I got bored, so I made out with your brother"?
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
i want to have his babies. i NEED to. shit i wont even ask for child support, he's that goodlooking.
My dog got laid yesterday. Some lady came over with her husky to breed. He did it like a champ. I was so proud
Hey, thanks for not calling the cops when I answered the door naked, high as fuck, and covered in red velvet cake batter.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
Wanna see if we can get cut off at bdubs again? The same hipster manager that is younger than us is working again
When i said you could use my car and have sex in the back....i wasn't being serious.
Randomize
