when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
We'll probably be arrested for having a cheetah in our apartment anyway, so I say go for it.
should my break up email to my English professor be in MLA format?
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
He told me he deactivated his facebook because his girlfriend caught him wackin it to my profile picture.
10 points to you
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
So really what you're asking for is an allowance to not have sex on our futon.
When we got home I apparently addressed everyone as 'peasant' since it was my birthday, this followed by me demanding for my "peasants to wash me".
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
Dude.. She just busted into my house wearing a ski mask, a poncho, and thigh-high pink hooker boots and yelled, "THE CABS ARE HEEERRREEE!!"
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
