I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
Didn't tell him I was on my period. Then had to surreptitiously remove some uterine lining from his cock.
Now that the fun of having an iPhone has worn off I find that using screen as a coke tray is by far my favorite app
thank you for introducing me to everyone on chat roulette as I was passed out.
Just found puke on my backpack while sitting in class. It's like this weekend won't leave me alone.
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
i mean i'm drinking free wine with lesbians and listening to sinead oconnor so i'm not sure who won that breakup
So last night took an interesting turn.. Never thought I'd say I had to pick up my glasses off the floor of a strip club
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
You then played what you called "a smooth jazz rendition of talk dirty to me" all thrusting your crotch at the bartender. Mom looked horrified, but my dad couldn't stop laughing
this isn't the first time i woke up with peanut butter in my butt
He told me to leave him behind and bury him in his batman pajamas. So two lessons I guess, don't give Tom whiskey and don't touch his daddy issues with a twenty nine and a half foot pole.
So you're willing to shred any respect that you had for your body on some random chick who's only looking for sex? That's the worst thing I've ever heard.
I mean, it won't be 100% meaningless, I know her middle name.
First aid class means get dry humped by moderately attractive college students during heimlich maneuver training.
Randomize
