Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
I'm lying on the floor in the back room praying my boss doesn't come to work today.never again
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
They just called to see if he wanted to come in at 2am for overtime. He's trashed. He literally carried on a 10 minute convo with his boss about woodchucks. As in the animal
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
some people spend their whole lives trying to find their soulmate. who knew mine was hiding in utah successfully balancing a pageant career and a coke habit.
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
But I do cardio so I don't get winded during sex really it's not like I'm trying to lose weight
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I threw up in my backpack last night, but at least it wasn't in the pizza box again
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
I had a date last night. His dog threw up in his bed while we were having sex in it.
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