you told everyone your name was brenda and you had the whole party chanting b-dawgg by the end of the night. successful.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
The strippers from this weekend suck at words with friends
We told our cab driver we'd give him 3 grand if he pit maneuvered you guys in your cab.
he stopped during sex, told me i smelled like McDonald's and went harder..
I'm having flashbacks from last night. Did I admit to pausing Whitney's funeral because I was watching porn? I believe I did.
I'm so hungover I literally am considering drinking from the fishtank to avoid getting out of bed.
Haha yeah my head's fine..sorry about the dent in your fridge.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
The hardest part about being a child of divorce is when you're at your dad's house but your condoms are at your mom's house.
She woke up next me in bed and told me to stop driving so fast.
Do thigh high boots and a ball gag count as a costume?
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