took him home. told him i would rock his world. passed out. a for effort f for follow thru
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
He just used my bikini trimmer to give himself a fumanchu. And I still plan on having sex with him tonight. This has to be what true love feels like.
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
just when i thought we would make it home without incident he tried to walk a police dog
Do you remember that time on the drunk bus when I kept thanking the bus driver for serving our country?
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
This can only be settled by a dance off.
I woke up this morning to pee and six dollar bills fell out of my underwear. I guess that lap dance just bought me lunch.
Just had an emotional break through with the dog. That high.
Randomize
