I heard some girl say 'yeah he mustve been so drunk he kept mumbling and repeating himself'
And I thought
Fuck I do that shit every weekend
I just packed a bowl in my room and use glad press n' seal to cover it so it wouldn't dump out in my pocket .
If it's any consolation, your boobs looked awesome.
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
He called himself Jesus all night but I'm not sure if that's his real name or not
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
We were on a plane, I couldn't just grab his dick
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I just woke up on the floor with an empty handle in one hand and a piece of my ceiling in the other. #classy
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
