smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
We were making out when she went into convulsions. At least now I know she's allergic to peanuts.
Just found a quarter that has been stuck to my boob since at least last night.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Listen all I know is that mistakes were made and she stole the car and drove half an hour for food at 4 am
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
Randomize
