Dude, I was completely sober last night, didn't puke on my shoes, went home with an incredibly beautiful girl, wore a condom, and didn't wake up in a puddle of urine this morning.
hah, sarcasm, classic
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
im holly from the hills drunk
did you really just refer to me me as an old fashioned penis?
she was talking at me constantly for like 20mins. i kept praying for a brain hernia but it kept not happening...
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
Can you technically cross something off your bucket list if you don't, per say, remember it....?
His mom walking in on us having sex was probably the highlight of the night
That's a gentle way of saying I passed out like an 18-year-old on his first trip to Tijuana
I've made a new rule for socializing in the winter: if it doesn't involve me orgasming or getting drunk I can't make it
Randomize
