I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
3 st and 6 ave. One dollar pitchers. Look out world.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
I knew I was high when I wanted to write a poem about how great it felt to wash my face
You yelled "sharpie war!" then jammed it in her ear
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
i left with the words "thank you for undersanding my sluttiness"
But I love Penises too much to give up on them. My phone capitalized Penises. It's like it knows I respect them
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
He wouldn't give me a cup of water for my bong so i sat in the drive thru to run up the timer until he gave it to me.
I'm still hammered too. I started tweeting the time at one point I'm pretty sure.
sex on acid sucks though, i want to connect with the universe not your dick.
i dont believe you. i want proof. if you end up at a hospital send me a pic.
she passed out standing next to the car. her head hit the door so hard the alarm went off. she instantly snapped out of it and started sprinting away
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