so i woke up with ketchup and a sticky boob on my face...this is a new low
He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
What the fuck. The girl next to me just looked at her phone, put her stuff away, and popped a birth control and ran out of class. Lucky fucking guy.
We should probably avoid doing this again, but hey it was a nice one time thing to tell the grandkids about... Hopefully they don't end up being YOUR grandkids.
I drank myself into bisexuality again.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I don't think I have but I might've died. If I have then come get me, I'm in the flower bed. And still game.
Nypd just made jon and hayes chug their forties.
Good. I hope they all got E.Coli from snorting coke off of some homeless prick's asshole.
You know Im horny if Im walking around in my lingerie and sex robe. It's my field of dreams mentality. If I wear it, he will come.
Why were you staring at her like that over breakfast?
Because I was eating with a spoon to remind her that she threw up on my hand while she was MAKING me spoon with her after our drunk sex. She got it. Don't worry.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Randomize
