never thought i'd see a ''climb of shame'' until she came down from the attic in front of the whole party..
I'm slowing backing away from her. I tried breaking up with her and it felt like I was clubbing baby seals.
Lesbians are nicde people they do not take debit cards
Showing up at the grocery store at 5am to have the clerk sprint to the condom cabinet waiving the keys because you told him to hurry it was an emergency
Hahah fuck. I keep looking to make sure that stupid line doesn't show up when my guards are down. Babies can sense fear.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
This popcorn tastes like salt and regret. It reminds me of the first blowjob I ever gave.
You've ruined popcorn for me.
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
You wouldn't believe how many pro-life stickers, and "show us your tits" signs there are between here and Dallas.
when I was walking home I wad so excited to see a cat on the sidewalk but it was really a traffic cone
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
What are you bringing to class tomorrow?
sorrow
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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