There is no way when we get home that nothing will hapen
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
That explains waking up with one hand in the toilet and the other in the trash can
I told her I was team Edward. I haven't gotten laid that easy since I told your sister that I had cancer
I'm shutting down my vagina temporarily...it's like the last two weeks were a going out of business sale...and now it needs a break...
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
luckily my workout playlist doubles as a masturbation playlist.
they fed me a peach. i was laying on the floor telling them how beautiful they were
it wasn't a normal cookie, i figured that out 45 minutes into my exam
You screamed "there will be blood" and punched some random guy in the face. So no, we can't go back to that bar.
well he got me up crazy early but i got pizza for breakfast and an electric blanket to sleep with sooo he passed the one night stand test.
You better be making out with him cause we're sitting here with this awkward british girl watching videos of goats singing maroon five
Let's buy some Wrangler jeans and be real live men.
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Randomize
