I molested 6 butterflies tonight
i now know from two sources i am better at making out and giving head than she is. and not by a little either.
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
I just had to google "How do I get semen stains off of drywall." I'm relatively proud of this
Pro tip: Don't start playing Bejeweled on Facebook while waiting for your Adderall to kick in. Unless you have the next 9 hours free.
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
Apparently I told his new girlfriend to stop swallowing because she's getting fat. Oh, and I yelled this across a large room
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
By the end of the first quarter he was so hammered he was pouring beer into the crockpot with the miniature hot dogs and BBQ sauce saying he loved the supper bowl and he loves taking mini weinies to the face
In hindsight, drunkenly yelling "I'M TICKLISH" might not have been an entirely wise decision
only i would get off to receiving death threats online
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
I told the cop I was late for a booty call. He still gave me a ticket but he wrote his number on it
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