At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I don't know if you realize how depressing it is to get your card denied....when you're only spending $4.
At CVS buying just condoms. The guy behind me is buying just hotdog buns. There was a silent moment of understanding between us.
The bloodstain in the garden looks like a sad face. Like I don't already know this is bad...
At least in the future when we're all real people we can laugh about the time we all had scabies together?
how is telling me how long you drunkenly fucked someone supposed to make me miss you?
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
It's gotten to the point that when I close my eyes to cum all I see is candy crush
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
I just took the batteries out of the xbox remote so she could replace the dead ones in her vibrator If that's not love I don't know what is
The problem I'm having with looking for jobs while drunk is reading is really hard
He literally lured me in the house with his cat then we ended up fucking on the living room couch while the cat just sat there and watched
I expect you will be there for a drunken 3way with my husband again this new year.
I woke up at 4am because the neighbors cat managed to sneak into my bed. HOW THE FUCK DOES THIS STUFF HAPPEN TO
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
Randomize
