Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
I returned the dress. When they asked for the reason for return I said, 'I don't deserve to wear white'.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
Just because you put plan b in my Easter basket doesn't give you an excuse not to wear a condom.
She's the second Ashley to meet and blow me in the same night. Sensing a trend.
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
I'm hungover from arbor mist I'm so white
Part of my treatment is getting high and having sex with 22 year olds. I have a prescription!
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
btw...it's noon and i'm sitting here drinking wine and eating pixie stix. I really need to find something to do...
He fucks strippers and doesn’t have a life plan. Of course I’m going to regret this
Randomize
