Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
i tried to knight her with my dick. she said it was unromantic. what an ungrateful attitude for a knight.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Pretty sure the cab driver can even smell the sex coming from between my legs
We woke up in the room with a hamburger patty on the bed side table, one bun across the room, and the other bun under my pillow. Still don't know who ordered room service.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
Dedication to a hook up: I had to recruit five people at the train station to help me buy a ticket from a kiosk and get on the right train in 15 minutes because I discovered that my car was stolen.
I put xanax in the cake batter
Did you really? It all makes sense now.
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
I need to stop getting drunk and telling people it isn't "about them."
I just woke and boke and made apple pancakes. I'm kicking Monday in the dick.
Sorry I didn’t really get to say goodbye last night I was busy vomiting in your fathers front yard
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
