Either I get my picture taken sitting on a fuckin pony, or I'm not coming.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
I love how you are more concerned with what i call my penis than the fact i wanna bone some high school chicks
Im sitting alone watching titanic. Drunk. Without pants. Holding a fishing pole. Im pretty sure im okay with all of this.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
I "liked" his changed relationship status just to show him I'm ok with the fact he found someone not as pretty as me
I think he's only dating me for my ass...
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
Dude what happened last night?
I don't know, I'm still trying to figure out how I got my clothes back on.
Legit hope my Trump humping Brother dies of this shit so I can stop pretending to still love him.
Randomize
