did you wind up at some random place? and do you remember face planting into the fireplace?
omg! a creepy truck driver just made a frog puppet wave at me!!!
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
He just kept yelling woof and then threw money all over me...
okay. this is james and youre probably never ever gonna see me again unless i really really really want some pussy. sorry.
New plan for Halloween: you dress as Waldo, I'll dress as Carmen San Diego. We can just hide in a closet drinking till someone finds us.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
............HELP Ive been abducted by vodka and its poisoning my brain fat chicks are getting cute and i slept with my sisters friend who slightly resembles john kerry....,,help
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
you said, 'he held out his hand, that means we don't have to pay' about the taxi driver, and then asked the doorman what happened to your pants...
Well I can't be held accountable to know every which time you slid a finger here or slid a finger there. I'm way too busy getting close to climaxing to document these things.
You don't know how small your school is until you know everyone in the ER on a Friday night.
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
Randomize
