you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
dude she snuck out while I was still sleeping then was banging on the door 10 minutes later cuz her car was brokedown. how was I suppose to recognize her??
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
I smoked a bowl while he ate me out, you need to change your major to match making asap. You are a guru of love.
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
Some rando is vomiting profusely into the garden outside the employee entrance. Where are you when things like this happen to me?
Vomiting outside the employee entrance
If it's not soft enough to fuck on, then we're not getting the new rug.
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
How the hell do you leave a party with a kitten? It's missing and everyone knows it was you.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
Model at car show < day drinking with your favorite sister. Get your head in the fucking game Christopher.
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Randomize
