I mean, you're like my second best best friend we're so close I can't believe you'd do that to me
yes because when i jack off the first person i think about is christina applegate
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Dude, totally just found out that I've been washing my hair with semen for the past 3 weeks.
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
I need to remember that good judgment goes out the window after the 7th shot and the 3rd Lady GaGa song.
We just passed a billboard that said to join "jerseydoesntstink.com" and literally 15 seconds later, we could smell jersey.
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I DONT UNDERSTAND NIPPLES. THEY JUST POP OUT FOR NO REASON
Well somebody's had a rough day, nipple-wise
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
VIVE LA RESISTANCE
Oh god, what now?
A guy in a chewbacca suit just came up to me and asked me to buy him weed.
Randomize
