oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
she's sitting here naked with heels and a taco.
I will never swim in a flooded basement again..
I ended up taking shots of whiskey and chasing them with potato wedges, I have never felt more Irish
It's like I'm in a vicious cycle of noncommittal penis.
And the best part is I don't remember putting the condom in my pocket! Angels officially exist
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
So here's my pathetic thought of the day: what does it smell like to be sober?
I may or may not have definitely said the words "how do I put this beer in my purse without looking like an alcoholic" last night.
we need to tell them stories about when happens when we're sober so they think they know what they're in for when they're actually completely unprepared for whn happens when we get drunk
Tomorrow night, I am putting you In my trunk. No excuses we have waited forever for this.
Randomize
