If i could tip my vagina, i would.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
All I wanna do is sit in water and get drunk. The only thing more American is giving birth to eagles.
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
There's not an emojicons for I think I ripped my asshole and want to die.
They broke our car window and then wrote "great night" on the next
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
You just kept walking around in a circle saying "well played 6th street well played" before falling over.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
This Pinterest wedding planning is a good distraction. I'm great at this, my imaginary wedding is beautiful
still not dressed at 5:00, jacking off watching men's figure skating and hoping my weird roommate doesn't walk in. anybody who says idk how to have fun is wrong
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
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