Cold hands, warm shart.
We need to get cat food
Nevermind, the cat will eat lucky charms
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
my mom just informed me that i masturbate loudly
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
u think ur still drunk from last night? i just put the eggs in the freezer and the remote in the sink. I don't wanna fucking hear it.
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I doubt the Taliban would support fake nipples.
For a second, I wondered if I could smoke pizza.
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I'm so fucking horny right now If I blink I might cum
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
I got caught throwing up in my daughters princess potty... On the bright side it played a rewarding tune afterwards.
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