i only hope i can top last weeks sext session
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
My mom just set up beer pong in the dining room for family game night. and you ask why I'm still living at home.
I can feel the alcohol in my calves
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
idk man, i just want to be a bad influence for future generations
Then you bent down and whispered, "excuse me mr. Stair, could you please stop moving?"
What is this nonsense on the table
Your idea.
I mean the hole taco that was chewed up and spit out
I like how zombie Abe Lincoln and hooking up with a girl were on your same thought process.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
Randomize
