i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
So im going to watch Hocus Pocus in my footie pajamas... How am I in college?
Any particular reason you put 2 smashed up limes in my back pocket last night?
margarita scented body wash shouldn't be used the morning after cuervo. there should be a warning on the label.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
dude when im high using logic is an accomplishment that should be rewarded. make sure u get cinnamon twists
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
Last thing I remember is whiskey shots. My roommate tells me we were there 15min before I decided to run home naked. And we live across from a police station.
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
the dude in the apartments across the street got a video of me railing blake on your front steps last night
shit like this is why i dont let you drink vodka anymore ..
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
i have two papers due tomorrow. contemplating if i should take adderall in my anus for full effects
I bet you my entire life savings of $0 that there's a Doctor Who porn parody and that it features the sonic screwdriver being inserted into some cavities
Randomize
