it actually wasnt that awkward...i planned on saying hello and walking away..then she asked if i wanted to go to lunch and i looked at her chest and said absolutely
There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Note to self. Champagne flavored lube is neither as tasty nor as classy as one might think.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I asked her if she wanted to make this a permanent exclusive thing instead of a fuck buddy thing, and she just looked at me like I'm an idiot.
That's because you are an idiot.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
making an indian outfit so we can be pochohantas and john smith and fuck in the canoe on the night float
The sex was so good I went temporarily numb. Slightly embarrassing when she pointed out I was kissing my own arm.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
I just want to braid flowers into his hair and steal all of his pills.
I felt like I was having sex with Joffrey from Game of Thrones. Needless to say how bad it was
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
I fought off a bull with my bare hands while he went off to have sex with her against a wall. I’m more upset about the fact that no one is acknowledging what I did.
he told me I was hypnotizing him with my mouth so I guess I do give good head
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