We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
The Fresno prostitute seemed offended all I wanted from her was directions back to the freeway.
I just realized that my phone was set to Brazilian time...what the fuck happened last night
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
It's not too terrible. You just got a little naked and broke your arm.
Bjs and tacos. That's my life.
I would professionally fuck the shit out of her
He's a snuggler. Every time I attempt to make a move to find my bra he reigns me in. Needless to say i could be here a while.
Think I was still drunk when I woke up cause I went and bought a mandolin
he sent me a picture of him holding out his pinky so we could pinky promise. i have to fuck him now
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
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