Asian hipster sighting. About to tackle him and ask him to take me to chinatown
This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
and that's why he's hiding in the taco suit
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
At the ER. Dropped bottle lead to cut foot which led to me drunk hitting on doctors. Not going well.
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
bartering with my concussed boyfriend to eat food with blowjobs
To the point, I hope I remember where to put my dick when I finally get laid again
You have a 50 50 chance
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Hammered...8am...why is there chickens in the living room?
Randomize
