Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
Okay, who took a picture of their pubes shaved into a dragon on my phone and made it the background?!
So fucking hammered. Is this all spelled right? I'm holding it up to my eye. I am on a boulder. I feel like an owl
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
Why are your underwear on my dining room table?
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
You were passed out by the toliet and when i said i had to pee you told me to piss in the sink. Never has a girl with alcohol poisoning been so rude.
Hmm, peanut butter and Xanax. Next Ben and Jerry's flavor.
If you binge watch Bill Nye Saves the World without me you can consider yourself single
Apparently I thanked the paramedics over and over again for saving the "happy new year" beads that I was wearing
Randomize
