My gyno actually laughed when I told her about his penis size.
my dad brought home flowers.. so i started talking to them
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
no one could get around him on the stairs cause he surrounded himself with all the empties he could find, he said he was building a fort. then he passed out on them.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
He couldn't get his dick hard. So he started yelling at it. " EVERYONE is laughing at you, you piece of shit no wonder you can't get pussy" i wonder if that happens frequently I'll try again next weekend
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
Is Oprah even human
I really don't think my body can handle another night of drinking
Lol you talk like you have a choice
I am worried that I am gonna die before the weekend is over
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
Randomize
