We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
Drinking non-alcoholic beer is like going down on your cousin.
Sure it tastes the same, but it ain't right.
Literally like 10 people walking in my building talking about how much they hate draco
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
I hope you shit your pants in a socially devastating situation.
the non-midget kid sent 8,000 texts in a month. the midget parents are pissed. THIS IS EPIC WHEN YOUR HIGH.
Did I get stoned on a sunday afternoon and speak to someone on the phone for an hour about cats and their behaviour? Glad you asked. And yes.
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
She asked if she should pack the condoms, I told her I plan on drinking so much that it won't be possible.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
Will u make me a "6 month anniversary of being single" cake??? I wanna celebrate
Just called to hear your voice and talk about pizza.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Someone made a Christmas song to the Flintstones theme and I'm suing for emotional distress.
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