i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
ice luge is my downfall...
...u mean upfall.
there's something wrong with the internet when a search for "barney the dinosaur violence" comes up with nothing
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
If I die I have 2 requests one a viking funeral prye and 2 I want you to take over my facebook and haunt the fuck out of everyone
Okay. I really need to get out of this guys bed and get home. It's two in the afternoon. He's not even HERE.
He made me leave when I challenged "all you bitches" to a game of strip taboo.
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
But that background check said 51...Omg. If I hooked up with someone that's my dads age.....
One does not fall in love, one falls flat on the their face after leaving a bar
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
Randomize
