What do you want? Don't say anything that would make me look like a pussy at the store.
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
my mom just texted me to let me know that Hooters is hiring
i wish my mom had big dreams like that for me
Apparently I kept telling the bartender that I was going to set the Guinness World Record.
If we could never, ever tell mike i pissed in his closet, that would be really really great
can you just act like it's not so easy to get a blowjob from me??
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
She's comparing the feel of breasts to shredded cabbage. Weirdest. Grandmother. Ever.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Just had to double check that I had pants on. THAT kind of weekend.
I'm scared because his knowledge of star trek is turning me on
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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