my mom asked me how i could steal on a clear conscious and i told her it was because when i was younger she let me watch alladin and he did it.
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
so we have officially lost him as of 7 hours ago.. already called campus security, the drunk tank and the hospital. figure he'll turn up eventually..
i'll start checking the bushes on campus.
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
Just had to stop myself from doing a bump on the Disney bus. The struggle is real.
I just put condoms in a mason jar because it looked prettier than the box.I think I've peaked.
When my parents ask, do you think "he was the cop I gave head to in order to get out of a speeding ticket" will suffice as to how we met?
There were a lot of gay moments in between the Strippers and coke
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
