im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
Dude ur right that IS what a vagina looks like!
Do everybody a favor and GET LAID MORE.
i pretended i was deaf and got a girl to come home with me
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
True life. I have to get a nose job due to a deviated septum from blowing coke. Thank you college.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
Listen it's no longer the walk of shame to class when ur leaving the frat house and the brothers ask "when are coming back home"
She posted a pic of her bf on ig wishing him a happy bday at midnight. She then proceeded to have sex with me. Who is the bday boy again?
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
congratulations on joining the accidental bisexual club
Just once, can I please come back to a room that doesn't smell like beer and cum?
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
Randomize
