My social work teacher just told our class about her bicurios adventures in college
is she hot?
She is now
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
I just found him singing into an empty paper towel roll while microwaving an empty ice cream carton. I'm gonna run away now.
Had to awkwardly dig through all my fake ID's to get my real one so I could vote.......Model citizen over here.
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
The party invite said "this ain't no lame stoplight party, you come to hookup or you don't come" I feel like their honesty deserves out attendance
Not to mention having our pick at the ensuing sausagefest
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
Single lady's Saturday night: eat doritos, masturbate, eat more doritos. Do shot of Jager. Repeat until desired result is achieved.
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Yah. I'm gonna lay you down and feed you grapes, except I'm gonna replace grapes for my balls
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
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