I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
I'm not liking this ratio of moving to blowjobs...
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
Dave used his AAA card to get my car towed to my house so I could get drunk. Evil genius.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
you said "this ones for the homies" and proceeded to pour the shot into your other cup instead of the ground b/c "good liquor is not meant to wasted no matter the circumstances"
I will now send you explicit pics of mine and her genetalia bound together forever in the devils dance that is sexting.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I mean, the night I fell out of that bus I made you pour vodka onto my wound to clean it, then duct taped a paper towel to my hand and kept drinking.
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
If I don't answer right away it's because I took an Adderall and the fridge needs cleaned.
I don't care. We're going to fuck. And I WONT apologize in the morning. You cheated on me, so you can cheat on her with me.
If the guys trying to booty call text me could see me right now in some raggedy pajamas with toothpaste down the front of my shirt eating pepperoni out of the package they might change their minds
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
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