Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
Only catch is you have to sleep in the same bed as me. But no worries, I plan on being in a random guys hotel room every night. So it's essentially yours.
just run out there and shit all over the driveway when he comes.. and then point at him
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
I need to stop drunkenly getting naked. I'm losing all my favorite party clothes.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I couldn't sleep so I took 4 shots of vodka and promptly threw up in the sink. Happy Thursday
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I mean it could have been worse, I could have been sober.
man sorry about that. It's like god was willing me to be an asshole. I haven't filled my quota for the day
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
Setting myself up for trouble? Yes. But getting laid is a lot more important at this time.
My husband found the cock ring I bought my FWB. I told him it was napkin holder and he believed me. And that’s why I need a side dick
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