i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
we were spooning and you were the big spoon but you insisted that I call you "the ladle"
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Jessi just used the excuse "it's not you it's me" to get out of getting a lap dance.
She climbed through the window and into my bed. Not even sure who she is. Was thinking she might be a friend of yours?
We are not turning the camelbak into a beer bong
I am dressed. And we didn't do anything. He's gorgeous and tall tho. Something nice to look at when I'm hungover
Downside to Halloween: you can't tell if the guy dressed as Gene Simmons from KISS that keeps flirting with you is hot or not...I decided to err on the side of caution and assume not...
just found out that she named her cat after me.
I feel like I should throw some tampons around my workspace so everyone will know what's really going on
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
I will have you know I turned Latino David Arquette down for sex because he's married. Total. Moral. Victory.
Flo's in town, ain't she.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
I just saw a guy faceplant off a unicycle while holding a saxophone, while his buddy riding another unicycle and sporting a flute rode by laughing
Only at UConn...
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