Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
A friday without alcohol is hardly a friday at all
been sitting in chapter for 25 minutes. drinking last night's franzia out of a XXX vitamin water 10 bottle. recruitment chair has no idea. life is good.
How does, "Im sorry I was such an intoxicated bitch, I didn't mean anything I said" sound as an apology.
It sucks..Now I'm depressed because appearence wise, she's the closest to my favorite pornstar I'll ever get..
I miss the days when all my weekends consisted of were 69 and crunchwraps
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Yeah but then I feel like it's worth it like bro you just stabbed me the least you can do is get me a fuckin otter pop.
"Work from home" is code for "morning drinks" right?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
My life is over, I got a mugshot while wearing a shirt that said 'milf hunter'.
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