whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
she pooped in my shower. pooped. woke me up and said she thought she farted but it wasnt a fart i went back 2 sleep and found it hours later. no longer hooking up w chicks my moms age.
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I swear to god he's a one man village people.
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Don't count me out just yet. Considering bartering a blowjob to see if that boy from work will take my shift.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
The whole time we were hanging out my vagina was yelling at me like its a real live penis that wants to have sex with us what are you doing
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
Yep. The ghost of my sex life is in your house.
8 minutes into the New Year and and I've already sent a nude...new year, new me?
I feel like my toilet water looks different when outsiders use my bathroom...
Are you high right now?
HOW DID YOU KNOW!
I'm just going to use my debit card. I feel bad buying pizza with the money I stole from my roommate...so I'm going to put it in my piggy bank.
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