I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
Why is it people are always in costumes on Cheaters these days? Joe Greco literally just said, "It appears they get chased by a chicken with a chainsaw." WTF?
question. what would be the least awkward way to ask your one night stand if he came inside of you because you would really prefer not to have his illegitimate lovechild. hypothetically.
He painted his chest for the game... I just fucked an exclamation point.
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
Fyi your toilet is not contaminated. We'd have to scissor pretty hard to pass what I got.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
So now I'm lying here in bed taking notes from Teen Mom... I fucked up
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I'm still waiting for God to smite you for impersonating a decent human being.
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Hungover at Subway, watching a business guy try to squeeze his way past my car to get into his. Bitch shouldn'ta parked over the line.
You truly are a temple of morality.
I am the night, I am justice, I am currently watching the fat biz guy pay a frat boy to back his car up for him so he can get in.
Randomize
