two pink lines on a pregnancy test is bad, isn't it?
only if you didn't want to fuck up your life.
trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
I wish I could just thrust my cock straight into her new relationship.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
And when we woke up we made beer pancakes. Great start to a family picture day.
worst part about day drinking... waking up to george lopez
Well were gunna have to wash the couch cover now...maybe even the couch, soap or fire your decision
Dear female. Happy valentines day. If you have not had the pleasure of making love to me, please do not fret, I will get around to it soon enough. If you indeed have made love to me, then bravo, wasn't that grand! Perhaps we should do it again? Regardless, have a good day. This has been a public service announcement. Rock on.
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
I'd say tonight was pretty successful. I rode an iron horse naked and sweet talked myself out of an MIC while wearing a bra filled with four loko.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I love how four vibrators are within reach of me right now, but not a single hair brush or comb
Eating breakfast at 1:30 in the afternoon stark naked is how everyone should live
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