This morning when you woke up you looked like one of the Wii Bowling people. I think it was the eyebrows combined with the sambuca
Your mom is more observant then Randy Newman.
it was like weight watchers had a halloween party.
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
It looks like a tornado ripped through our living room and scattered clothes everywhere.
Count the bras. It was a category 3 whorenado ... I convinced the lesbians to come back to the apartment for a bottle of wine.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I mean metaphorically speaking, maybe we've all fucked on top of a frat house at some point in our lives
Not exactly hook line and sinker right away, but I'll give him a second chance. I should sext him me in my blue shark onesie.
It's like if you wanna bond just do a ropes course or have group sex you don't have to be weird about it
Woke up with a grilled cheese in my hand, it was like god giving me a high five for the night before
Yeah. 11 people shoved in a clown car for a 1 hour party. I'm too old for house parties.
Randomize
