Last night started off great but became the saddest day of my life when i was drunk in a hotel room eating day old mac and cheese out of a yatzee cup with a coffee lid as a spoon...
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
i flashed his best friends last night
you always were good at making good first impressions
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
He was drinking wine out of a pyrex measuring cup at two in the afternoon and told me my ass looked fantastic in my sweatpants. I love university
threw up in the kitchen showroom. home depot employee of the month.
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Just had a guy try to pull the maraca out of my shirt with his teeth... Wtf
I wore his All-American medal during sex. I came in first that night.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
A real best friend would support the hoe in me. Not remind me of what happened the last time I slept with a boss
FUCK WHALES
How do you say "put it in me" in Spanish... I'm dealing with language barriers here.
Randomize
